Stevie PUA has been kind enough to put down effort on writing a guide on how to use verbal communication.. remember, it isn't only what or when you say it but how you say it.

What are the differences in the way we should use language during different parts of a sarge? Most guys will accept the usefulness of initially displaying higher value to build attraction and once that has been established it is vital to move into comfort building, connection and rapport. This is not the only model out there and I recognize these terms are highly flexible. Still, many guys will find these points useful in determining their use of language in early (attraction) game, and in later (rapport) game.

So, admitting the model is not "real" but studying it may prove very useful, here are some clear points on different language use. It is my experience that speaking more like a man in the early parts of a sarge (showing one is commanding, for example) and speaking in a gentler way (more connection and rapport as women tend to do) can be a useful way of thinking about it. These differences between men and women are widely held in sociolinguistics.

- Amount of talk: male speakers have been found to talk more than females, particularly in formal or public contexts.

In the early stages of the sarge I find it useful to be talkative. I've written about this before in 'Dominant Listening' and 'Talk Show Host Mentality'. It allows you to sell yourself and get in fast when you see an opening she likes. When you see she likes the bait you've cast out, reel her in by going down that theme. It also allows her to see you are a normal guy who is safe, someone it is ok to open up to and be relaxed around.

- Interruptions: male speakers interrupt female speakers more than vice versa.

Interrupting can show your dominance and commandingness. But DON'T interrupt if she is giving you trancewords or other information you can gain leverage from. Do interrupt in the early stages if you judge she is leading the frame more than you, and if you judge she is going to bore herself. See "Dominant Listening" for more details on this.

- Conversational support: female speakers more frequently use features that provide support and encouragement for other speakers, for example 'minimal responses' such as mmh, and yeah.

In rapport phase we can use this technique to increase rapport because it indicates we understand what the other person is saying to us and we are following carefully with our attention. Feeling we are being understood deeply by another person increases our rapport with them and this technique promotes this.

Conversely don't use this technique too early (i.e. before she is perceiving your higher value) or it can lead to her thinking you are going for rapport with someone you don't deserve to have it with. It can seem like you are forcing it rather than having earned it. Not using it too early can promote our commandingness.

- Tentativeness: there are claims that female speakers use features that make their speech appear tentative and uncertain, such as 'hedges' that weaken the force of an utterance ("I think maybe...", "sort of", "you know") and certain types of 'tag questions' (questions tagged on to statements, such as "It's so hot, isn't it").

In the early stages of the sarge it is important for us to come across as confident and consistent. This increases our commandingness and promotes alphaness. Avoid using these terms in the early stage. Save them for rapport phase when she has accepted your value and you are working on deepening rapport. Using them in rapport helps you become vaguer and therefore match her model of the world. Once you know how she feels on a subject you can match that if you want.

- Compliments: a wider range of compliments may be addressed to women than to men, and women also tend to pay more compliments.

Avoid compliments in the early stages. It is giving your power away. Save them for rapport game when she feels she deserves them and you are in a position to know her well enough to give them genuinely. Don't give too many, but a well placed compliment when appropriate, after she sees your value and you judge she is ready to accept one, can increase closeness and intimacy.