Handling Put-Downs Like a Pro
I dont remember learning this from anyone but I remember that I started using this stuff when I joined the seduction community and it boosted my value among my social circle pretty damn much... its written by Ace, forum admin for the RSD guys and hopefully you start using it next time you meet some annoying assholes!
Picture it.
You’re in a bar talking to a pretty girl and her adoring friends.
Suddenly, a dominant male with Adonis looks and no neck strolls right up to you-
-"Hey buddy, your t-shirt looks like a dog has been sick on it!"
-BAM!
Before you know it a well aimed and witty put-down has just been dealt to you by a cocky/funny guy. He's bigger than you and its timing hits you with all the force of a stampeding elephant in lead diving boots.
In that moment the bubble has popped and quite abruptly you’re aware of where you are, are very conscious of who you are. Worse still, in approximately 0.2 seconds, everyone within earshot will be laughing their asses off at you, at your expense.
You feel like a fool. You feel a sense of angst as that familar dull pain emerges in your stomach and legs; signfying that you’ve been made to look idiot.This gently causes your self-esteem to limp pathetically to the way of the dinosaurs.
Quickly, you consider a retaliation!
-But how do you respond?
In silent bullet-time you realise you have a chance to counter this cutting remark and save your face.
The clock is ticking.
....
..
.
Quick! Say something! You begin to feel your sense of self esteem shrink further into the pit of your stomach.
You wonder..."What do i say? What do i say?"
Hurry! You conclude that your only chance to stay 'hip' is to act speechless at the dirty dig dealt to you. You remain silent with, at best, a wry smile of your face.
-You blew it.
-Fuck!
You get laughed at, and to make matters worse, your girl is making eyes at another guy.
Still, you fool yourself into thinking that you took his remark on the chin like a tough guy. Deep down you know you he makes you feel a little insecure .
You feel like a chode because you couldn’t think of anything to say back in time. Not one clever line, not one smooth comment came to mind…not an iota because your puny brain couldn’t think of anything to funny to throw at some cocky insulting remark directed at you.
The moment passes and you accept it. Later you’ll beat yourself up, but for now you have to accept that another guy in your proximity is a little bit cooler than you and a little bit more respected.
Okay, this sucks!!
Let’s stop this happening to you NOW!
Read on:
At some point in our lives, many of us have had that feeling of being the butt of constant jokes and insults- and the feeling of being fed up because you never know what to say back. Personally, it used to frustrate me something chronic.
Nevertheless, it seemed to me that some guys were instantly funny, but worse still, I knew that they were funny too; in a strange way this actually made any put-down directed at me even worse.
The reason was you couldn’t retaliate back at them angrily without looking like a fool; after all, they were “only having a laugh” (yeah, at your expense!).
So how do we fix this?
Before we begin, realise:
When guys hang out or meet together, anywhere, they VIBE. They have fun and joke. Teasing is a natural aspect of this and will happen in any male social circle.
-Expect it and accept it.
What naturally happens is each guy in the group is taking it in turns to bust each others balls and determine the pecking order of the group.
This happens in the most unexpected of places. Waiters in restaurants, ticket clerks in the cinema, and shopping assistants can all come into your life (usually when a girl is on your arm) and attempt to give you ‘beef’.
It’s a primeval-jungle-type dominance thing. Whatever.
1. If is your inner confidence isn’t as good as it could be, this will be your first problem to destroy.
Inner confidence and your sense of identity gives you the balls to verbally retaliate, and if it isn’t up to par it’ll keep any well thought put-down deep and safe in your subconscious where it’ll be about as useful for your self-esteem as a chocolate teapot in the Gobi Desert.
If you are unaware of this, then ‘teasing’, ‘taking the mickey’, ‘amogging’, etc. can seem insulting and you'll end up feeling like a chode as your status and self-esteem is lowered in front of you and everyone lucky enough to watch.
What happens as a result of this:
1. You'll feel beta (not good for you)
2. You'll feel and look unattractive to female observers (categorically not good for you ).
3. Your accusers, the guy(s) giving you beef, will look cool and sexy.
In future, you can easily COUNTER this effect by:
AGREEING with anything that is said and then 'Upsurping the Glory'.
A nice trick is to do this simply by saying "YES, AND" to whatever is said. Do this with a *GRIN* and be light hearted.
For example:
Guy:"Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND, I can smell it on your breath too"
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: "YES AND you should’ve seen what it ate!”
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND you should see how it smells! Fancy a sniff?"
-Do you get the idea?
You’ll notice that “YES, THAT’S RIGHT” works nicely too.
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: "YES THAT’S RIGHT I have bad breath so I’m hoping it’ll cover up the smell of that too”
It’s not as important what you say, only that you say the first thing that comes into your head. You need to say the first thing that enters your mind, because:
1. You’ll notice that it allows you to deliver a lightning fast response.
2. Women will find your speed of response sexy* (*possibly a lie).
So:
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND {insert whatever comes to mind}
Did you notice that saying “YES AND” tricks your brain into giving an automatic, positive response?!
Anyhow, let’s take a moment to discuss the above a little more. You’ll maybe notice that we weren’t trying to put are accuser down- we’re much too smart and handsome for that. We are actually making subtle fun of ourselves in order to steal his glory from the remark originally aimed at us.
-If you usurp the accuser you begin to own his ‘frame’, and he can’t steal yours from you either.
Remember that smiling is as important as the comeback itself. It disarms your rival and his peers and makes you more charming.
Now:
If you do this correctly you will actually enhance the vibe of what has been said (the topic of discussion) -much to the delight of the group.
These are happy side-effects:
1. You gain social status.
2. People around you subconsciously notice.
3. They realise they can joke with you and that i) you hold your own ii) bring value to their group iii) they want to be in your group.
The error that most people make is that they do not say even the first thing that comes into their head. Instead they let their conscious mind interrupt their flow: to double-check what they are saying is ‘suitable’. Don't do it!
Have the self confidence (remember?) to just say anything.
-Saying “Bleugh…bleugh…bleugh”, although not great, is better than silence!
Money tip: $$$ If you keep your response on topic to what was said to you; your retort will be more effective! $$$
-For example: Do your best to reply to putdown mentioning dog-sick with a response on a similar topic (ie the sick, puke, how it smells, what it looks like, etc. ); talking about a mutant alien called 'Henry' will be less effective as you are Blocking the vibe!
2. Appreciate the fact that BLOCKING what is said (by taking offence or giving beef back) is often detrimental to your own value.
When you block the natural flow ("the vibe") of the interaction, by taking offence you are losing status and your self-control. Think of vibing like a tennis rally; keep the ball in play for as long as possible until you win!
If not, you are playing into your enemies hands and looking like a tool.
This is an overcompensation of insecurity.
In such a scenario many people mistakenly act like this:
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “YES BUT its Ralph Lauren!”
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “NO it hasn’t.”
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “I'll kick your ass monkey boy.”
etc.
So, understand that the next time you are verbally assaulted you should NOT accept what they are saying (by just smiling weakly or saying nothing) and you should NOT reject it either (by taking insult). Otherwise you lose.
Instead, YOU ARE ENHANCING IT!
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “You should’ve seen what else came out the other end!”
[What did that above retort mean exactly? It doesn’t matter, it deflected his putdown.]
The conversation might then follow:
Guy: “Hey thats disgusting!”
You: “Yeah! I know! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to talk about talk shit! What's your name by the way? [shake his hand]” blablabla...
Doing this will avoid messy scenarios like fights because you agreeing with the insult for your own purpose. You’re taking the air out of your accuser’s sails.
3. Realise that a retort isn’t about what you say -but how you say it.
Now, like most, I was guilty of previously always trying and think of clever things to throw back at people; to the point where the moment had passed and an old man was carefully sweeping up the night club floor. Two days later I’d think of it; the most funny comeback ever! -But it was too late (sob!).
I really want to drum it into you that you can throw -ANYTHING- back.
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “Yeah its true- macaroni is my favourite”
Get used to throwing back any retort to begin with. As you practice you'll naturally improve, especially if you attempt to maintain the vibe of the conversation.
Here’s a couple of (random) fresh one for you to try and respond to. Say the first thing you think of!:
Guy: "Dude you look like a cripple"
You: "Yes! And...............................................................................!!"
Guy: "Dude are you wearing women's underwear"
You: "Yes! And................................................................................!!"
4. Another option is to take the path of least resistance and dismiss what is said by rolling your eyes and turning your back on you accuser.
This subcommunicates you don't care. Add a dismissive wave also for bonus effect. On this forum you hear us pipe on and on about being unreactive- well, this is a case in point.
Stay unshakeable as if the guy talking to you is your best friend. This is subtly different to just accepting what your accuser said and standing there like a lemon. Instead, let your smooth body language deflect the insult with not so much as a hair on your forehead out of place.
If you’ve ever been in an office and found some chode-guy there just takes every opportunity to spar with you, don’t wear yourself out on him; in the end he could win…he’ll tire you out and beat you. Instead, imply he is a low status cretin (ask yourself also why he picked on you).
This means acting like water off a ducks back, bullets off superman or sex-crime allegations against famous rubber-faced US pop-stars.
5. If you really want to maintain your dominance over the accuser, do everything he does and with more energy. For example, if you are laughed at, laugh LOUDER!
A few weeks ago I went into a nightclub during one evening at the last RSD bootcamp; only to find some extremely drunk guy stand up in a room and screamed whilst pointing at me (I accidently crashed his party). I looked at him, and keeping with the vibe. pointed at him with both hands and screamed so loud everyone stopped talking. (-Usurp! -Usurp!).
With everyone now watching, and seeing I had ‘batted the ball’ right back to him, he then took the opportunity to light-heartidly jump on me, arms and legs included.
-So what did I do?
I laughed heartily, then (keeping with the 'vibe') I grabbed him in a headlock, rubbed my knuckles on his immaculately gelled hair, let him go and swung my arm over his shoulder. Then, smiling, I pulled up his tie nice 'n tight in front of the watching party.
(I won.)
TOUCHING guys as you speak dominates them. Its a subcommunication thing that Tyler can tell you about better than i can. Anyhow, simple pat on the arm is sufficient- but don’t hold it for too long or too much. Less is definitely more.
Tip: If you get patted, grab your accuser more with both hands. Keep usurping him!!
6. [Bonus] Here is an example to put things into context for you. It’s a situation you might face one day -and should have no problems dealing with:
Q. Suppose you are chatting to a girl and a fun, happy guy comes over and starts to make fun of you. - What then??
[He is trying to expose your insecurities to lower your value infront to the girl- and boost his. He isn't an asshole...but he is still mocking you. How do you handle this?]
A. Do exactly the same thing as described previous. Agree with him, roll with his jokes, touch him and laugh.
If it is in a loud environment, remember the power of touch.
By vibing with him you are showing the girl you are socially savvy and...cool. If you're doing this correctly you'll probably befriend the guy as he knows he can roll with you.
7. In conclusion, these are just a few little tips and tricks.
A better method is to FIX this problem on the inside of your head. Confidence is the key. These tricks you work as props for you until you do.
When you do fix this you’ll probably command a status that removes you from these types of game anyhow. How Ironic!
Realise that each time you are getting teased is a chance to shine and raise your own value within the group. Taking the piss out of yourself is a good way to do this; it shows you are game to ‘their’ vibe.
-In future, have fun with guys who attempt to take the piss out of you/beta you/amog you, and do not taking anything personally. These are natural tests to expose a person’s insecurities.
If you have none -you’ll pass.
If you having fun -you cannot lose.
If you vibe with them you will increase your status in the group.
Hope this helps, maggots! :D
Picture it.
You’re in a bar talking to a pretty girl and her adoring friends.
Suddenly, a dominant male with Adonis looks and no neck strolls right up to you-
-"Hey buddy, your t-shirt looks like a dog has been sick on it!"
-BAM!
Before you know it a well aimed and witty put-down has just been dealt to you by a cocky/funny guy. He's bigger than you and its timing hits you with all the force of a stampeding elephant in lead diving boots.
In that moment the bubble has popped and quite abruptly you’re aware of where you are, are very conscious of who you are. Worse still, in approximately 0.2 seconds, everyone within earshot will be laughing their asses off at you, at your expense.
You feel like a fool. You feel a sense of angst as that familar dull pain emerges in your stomach and legs; signfying that you’ve been made to look idiot.This gently causes your self-esteem to limp pathetically to the way of the dinosaurs.
Quickly, you consider a retaliation!
-But how do you respond?
In silent bullet-time you realise you have a chance to counter this cutting remark and save your face.
The clock is ticking.
....
..
.
Quick! Say something! You begin to feel your sense of self esteem shrink further into the pit of your stomach.
You wonder..."What do i say? What do i say?"
Hurry! You conclude that your only chance to stay 'hip' is to act speechless at the dirty dig dealt to you. You remain silent with, at best, a wry smile of your face.
-You blew it.
-Fuck!
You get laughed at, and to make matters worse, your girl is making eyes at another guy.
Still, you fool yourself into thinking that you took his remark on the chin like a tough guy. Deep down you know you he makes you feel a little insecure .
You feel like a chode because you couldn’t think of anything to say back in time. Not one clever line, not one smooth comment came to mind…not an iota because your puny brain couldn’t think of anything to funny to throw at some cocky insulting remark directed at you.
The moment passes and you accept it. Later you’ll beat yourself up, but for now you have to accept that another guy in your proximity is a little bit cooler than you and a little bit more respected.
Okay, this sucks!!
Let’s stop this happening to you NOW!
Read on:
At some point in our lives, many of us have had that feeling of being the butt of constant jokes and insults- and the feeling of being fed up because you never know what to say back. Personally, it used to frustrate me something chronic.
Nevertheless, it seemed to me that some guys were instantly funny, but worse still, I knew that they were funny too; in a strange way this actually made any put-down directed at me even worse.
The reason was you couldn’t retaliate back at them angrily without looking like a fool; after all, they were “only having a laugh” (yeah, at your expense!).
So how do we fix this?
Before we begin, realise:
When guys hang out or meet together, anywhere, they VIBE. They have fun and joke. Teasing is a natural aspect of this and will happen in any male social circle.
-Expect it and accept it.
What naturally happens is each guy in the group is taking it in turns to bust each others balls and determine the pecking order of the group.
This happens in the most unexpected of places. Waiters in restaurants, ticket clerks in the cinema, and shopping assistants can all come into your life (usually when a girl is on your arm) and attempt to give you ‘beef’.
It’s a primeval-jungle-type dominance thing. Whatever.
1. If is your inner confidence isn’t as good as it could be, this will be your first problem to destroy.
Inner confidence and your sense of identity gives you the balls to verbally retaliate, and if it isn’t up to par it’ll keep any well thought put-down deep and safe in your subconscious where it’ll be about as useful for your self-esteem as a chocolate teapot in the Gobi Desert.
If you are unaware of this, then ‘teasing’, ‘taking the mickey’, ‘amogging’, etc. can seem insulting and you'll end up feeling like a chode as your status and self-esteem is lowered in front of you and everyone lucky enough to watch.
What happens as a result of this:
1. You'll feel beta (not good for you)
2. You'll feel and look unattractive to female observers (categorically not good for you ).
3. Your accusers, the guy(s) giving you beef, will look cool and sexy.
In future, you can easily COUNTER this effect by:
AGREEING with anything that is said and then 'Upsurping the Glory'.
A nice trick is to do this simply by saying "YES, AND" to whatever is said. Do this with a *GRIN* and be light hearted.
For example:
Guy:"Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND, I can smell it on your breath too"
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: "YES AND you should’ve seen what it ate!”
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND you should see how it smells! Fancy a sniff?"
-Do you get the idea?
You’ll notice that “YES, THAT’S RIGHT” works nicely too.
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: "YES THAT’S RIGHT I have bad breath so I’m hoping it’ll cover up the smell of that too”
It’s not as important what you say, only that you say the first thing that comes into your head. You need to say the first thing that enters your mind, because:
1. You’ll notice that it allows you to deliver a lightning fast response.
2. Women will find your speed of response sexy* (*possibly a lie).
So:
Guy: "Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it"
You: "YES AND {insert whatever comes to mind}
Did you notice that saying “YES AND” tricks your brain into giving an automatic, positive response?!
Anyhow, let’s take a moment to discuss the above a little more. You’ll maybe notice that we weren’t trying to put are accuser down- we’re much too smart and handsome for that. We are actually making subtle fun of ourselves in order to steal his glory from the remark originally aimed at us.
-If you usurp the accuser you begin to own his ‘frame’, and he can’t steal yours from you either.
Remember that smiling is as important as the comeback itself. It disarms your rival and his peers and makes you more charming.
Now:
If you do this correctly you will actually enhance the vibe of what has been said (the topic of discussion) -much to the delight of the group.
These are happy side-effects:
1. You gain social status.
2. People around you subconsciously notice.
3. They realise they can joke with you and that i) you hold your own ii) bring value to their group iii) they want to be in your group.
The error that most people make is that they do not say even the first thing that comes into their head. Instead they let their conscious mind interrupt their flow: to double-check what they are saying is ‘suitable’. Don't do it!
Have the self confidence (remember?) to just say anything.
-Saying “Bleugh…bleugh…bleugh”, although not great, is better than silence!
Money tip: $$$ If you keep your response on topic to what was said to you; your retort will be more effective! $$$
-For example: Do your best to reply to putdown mentioning dog-sick with a response on a similar topic (ie the sick, puke, how it smells, what it looks like, etc. ); talking about a mutant alien called 'Henry' will be less effective as you are Blocking the vibe!
2. Appreciate the fact that BLOCKING what is said (by taking offence or giving beef back) is often detrimental to your own value.
When you block the natural flow ("the vibe") of the interaction, by taking offence you are losing status and your self-control. Think of vibing like a tennis rally; keep the ball in play for as long as possible until you win!
If not, you are playing into your enemies hands and looking like a tool.
This is an overcompensation of insecurity.
In such a scenario many people mistakenly act like this:
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “YES BUT its Ralph Lauren!”
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “NO it hasn’t.”
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “I'll kick your ass monkey boy.”
etc.
So, understand that the next time you are verbally assaulted you should NOT accept what they are saying (by just smiling weakly or saying nothing) and you should NOT reject it either (by taking insult). Otherwise you lose.
Instead, YOU ARE ENHANCING IT!
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “You should’ve seen what else came out the other end!”
[What did that above retort mean exactly? It doesn’t matter, it deflected his putdown.]
The conversation might then follow:
Guy: “Hey thats disgusting!”
You: “Yeah! I know! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to talk about talk shit! What's your name by the way? [shake his hand]” blablabla...
Doing this will avoid messy scenarios like fights because you agreeing with the insult for your own purpose. You’re taking the air out of your accuser’s sails.
3. Realise that a retort isn’t about what you say -but how you say it.
Now, like most, I was guilty of previously always trying and think of clever things to throw back at people; to the point where the moment had passed and an old man was carefully sweeping up the night club floor. Two days later I’d think of it; the most funny comeback ever! -But it was too late (sob!).
I really want to drum it into you that you can throw -ANYTHING- back.
Guy: “Hey dude your t-shirt look like a dog has been sick on it”
You: “Yeah its true- macaroni is my favourite”
Get used to throwing back any retort to begin with. As you practice you'll naturally improve, especially if you attempt to maintain the vibe of the conversation.
Here’s a couple of (random) fresh one for you to try and respond to. Say the first thing you think of!:
Guy: "Dude you look like a cripple"
You: "Yes! And...............................................................................!!"
Guy: "Dude are you wearing women's underwear"
You: "Yes! And................................................................................!!"
4. Another option is to take the path of least resistance and dismiss what is said by rolling your eyes and turning your back on you accuser.
This subcommunicates you don't care. Add a dismissive wave also for bonus effect. On this forum you hear us pipe on and on about being unreactive- well, this is a case in point.
Stay unshakeable as if the guy talking to you is your best friend. This is subtly different to just accepting what your accuser said and standing there like a lemon. Instead, let your smooth body language deflect the insult with not so much as a hair on your forehead out of place.
If you’ve ever been in an office and found some chode-guy there just takes every opportunity to spar with you, don’t wear yourself out on him; in the end he could win…he’ll tire you out and beat you. Instead, imply he is a low status cretin (ask yourself also why he picked on you).
This means acting like water off a ducks back, bullets off superman or sex-crime allegations against famous rubber-faced US pop-stars.
5. If you really want to maintain your dominance over the accuser, do everything he does and with more energy. For example, if you are laughed at, laugh LOUDER!
A few weeks ago I went into a nightclub during one evening at the last RSD bootcamp; only to find some extremely drunk guy stand up in a room and screamed whilst pointing at me (I accidently crashed his party). I looked at him, and keeping with the vibe. pointed at him with both hands and screamed so loud everyone stopped talking. (-Usurp! -Usurp!).
With everyone now watching, and seeing I had ‘batted the ball’ right back to him, he then took the opportunity to light-heartidly jump on me, arms and legs included.
-So what did I do?
I laughed heartily, then (keeping with the 'vibe') I grabbed him in a headlock, rubbed my knuckles on his immaculately gelled hair, let him go and swung my arm over his shoulder. Then, smiling, I pulled up his tie nice 'n tight in front of the watching party.
(I won.)
TOUCHING guys as you speak dominates them. Its a subcommunication thing that Tyler can tell you about better than i can. Anyhow, simple pat on the arm is sufficient- but don’t hold it for too long or too much. Less is definitely more.
Tip: If you get patted, grab your accuser more with both hands. Keep usurping him!!
6. [Bonus] Here is an example to put things into context for you. It’s a situation you might face one day -and should have no problems dealing with:
Q. Suppose you are chatting to a girl and a fun, happy guy comes over and starts to make fun of you. - What then??
[He is trying to expose your insecurities to lower your value infront to the girl- and boost his. He isn't an asshole...but he is still mocking you. How do you handle this?]
A. Do exactly the same thing as described previous. Agree with him, roll with his jokes, touch him and laugh.
If it is in a loud environment, remember the power of touch.
By vibing with him you are showing the girl you are socially savvy and...cool. If you're doing this correctly you'll probably befriend the guy as he knows he can roll with you.
7. In conclusion, these are just a few little tips and tricks.
A better method is to FIX this problem on the inside of your head. Confidence is the key. These tricks you work as props for you until you do.
When you do fix this you’ll probably command a status that removes you from these types of game anyhow. How Ironic!
Realise that each time you are getting teased is a chance to shine and raise your own value within the group. Taking the piss out of yourself is a good way to do this; it shows you are game to ‘their’ vibe.
-In future, have fun with guys who attempt to take the piss out of you/beta you/amog you, and do not taking anything personally. These are natural tests to expose a person’s insecurities.
If you have none -you’ll pass.
If you having fun -you cannot lose.
If you vibe with them you will increase your status in the group.
Hope this helps, maggots! :D
| Permalink 
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nice post. i also feel that taking what they say and amplifying it into value is a great way to make things better.
"Dude, are you wearing women's underwear?"
"Wow, you have such a great eye for fashion! I knew that was you who I saw you in the lingerie section of Victoria's Secret last week. What other places do you shop?"
Don't say it like a dick, say it like you are having a fun time and making friends with him.
Posted by
Smart Feller |
11/09/2006 11:30 PM