Understanding Flakes
Simply how to avoid flaking, article is written by Badboy.
Flakes are a very interesting thing to analyze. Understanding what happened and where you went wrong will help your game tremendously in the future. DON'T take flakes personally. Usually it just means you made a mistake somewhere. Mistakes are fixable. Flakes happen to everyone at some time or another. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you personally.
For those who don't know, a flake is a girl who avoids your phone calls, your messages, won't set up a date, doesn't show up, etc.
I know for a lot of guys it can be very confusing, and lead to frustration, because even though a girl clearly likes you that night, she still flakes and still doesn’t want to meet you again. Let's try to understand why.
Here are the two most common scenarios:
1) You completely hit it off with a girl in the club. She gives you multiple IOIs and is clearly into you. You make out with her and she gives you her phone number which you are sure will lead to sex the next time you meet. Then she never answers your calls.
Explanation: She was obviously attracted to you but as we discussed earlier, attraction is an emotion, and emotions dissipate over time. So, a few days later she doesn't feel much of anything for you. If this happens regularly it means you are relying too much on High Attraction Game to seduce girls. This can be effective in the club, but often leads to flakes because it's one note and doesn't motivate them to reinitiate contact because there is nothing special about you on a deeper level. Also, the hotter the girl is, the more likely this will happen. She meets a guy just about every time she goes out and is juggling so many options at once that you really have to create something different and memorable to cut through.
How to solve this: Don't just rely on just Attraction. It is very tempting to stay in Attraction for a long time because it is fun and validating and we get showered with IOIs. Don't fall for this. Instead start creating Massive Rapport with girls. Use the rapport building techniques discussed earlier and spend a lot of time connecting with her on a deeper level. Experiment with trying to create a real soul mate connection with every girl you game and not just being a crazy player. It may feel weird at first, but learning to do this will pay big dividends once you've mastered it.
Remember: Rapport takes place in the logical brain. That means once you create it, it stays forever. You can rely on it much more than attraction to get you results.
Once you have enough attraction and you successfully connect with her, she will like you forever. Fun is forgettable. A deep emotional connection is not. If she just feels attraction and fun towards a stranger, you are just some guy she was horny for that night. That might be enough for us, but it's not enough for her. Serious rapport prevents flakes.
2) You set up a date with a girl, you talk, you text each other, everything is perfect. There is sexual tension in air. You are sure it's on. Then, 45 minutes before the date something comes up and she can't come. The excuses may vary, but this type of flake, just before the meeting, is very common.
Explanation: She likes you a lot and she wants you. While she's getting ready, she starts thinking about you and it starts turning her on and getting her horny. She realizes that she may not be able to control herself and may end up having sex with a stranger tonight.
She starts to release adrenaline and too much adrenalin leads to fear and fear leads to a flake.
Thinking about sex à Horniness à Adrenaline à Fear à Flake
The flake at the end is not an emotion itself but rather a logical decision she makes based on her emotions. The flake is a result of this chain of emotions.
How to solve this: Prevent this chain of emotions from happening over the phone. If this happens to you often, it means you are either too sexual or too needy before sex actually happens. It means you are projecting over the phone or text that you want to have sex with her too much. Even she wants it, and she likes it, if you overdo it you risk bringing up resistance. It's best not to get sexual with her until you are physically together on the date. Not before! This way her instincts kick in due to her attraction to your presence and touch which reduces the resistance and you are there to comfort her if there is any. Needy guys will have this problem a lot because they go into a feeding frenzy as soon as they think they are going to get some action. This is not the behavior of guys who have lots of options with women. Play it cool and sex will happen. Get desperate and you will blow it.
Also, for good measure, make sure that before sex actually happens you deepen the rapport to insure that she feels special and that you aren't just looking to get laid.
Of course, every rule in this game can be broken. Many good Players can actually talk about sex on the phone before meeting the girl and still get laid, but to play it perfectly smooth follow the advice above. It will save you from dealing with the frustration of flakes.
Flakes are a very interesting thing to analyze. Understanding what happened and where you went wrong will help your game tremendously in the future. DON'T take flakes personally. Usually it just means you made a mistake somewhere. Mistakes are fixable. Flakes happen to everyone at some time or another. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you personally.
For those who don't know, a flake is a girl who avoids your phone calls, your messages, won't set up a date, doesn't show up, etc.
I know for a lot of guys it can be very confusing, and lead to frustration, because even though a girl clearly likes you that night, she still flakes and still doesn’t want to meet you again. Let's try to understand why.
Here are the two most common scenarios:
1) You completely hit it off with a girl in the club. She gives you multiple IOIs and is clearly into you. You make out with her and she gives you her phone number which you are sure will lead to sex the next time you meet. Then she never answers your calls.
Explanation: She was obviously attracted to you but as we discussed earlier, attraction is an emotion, and emotions dissipate over time. So, a few days later she doesn't feel much of anything for you. If this happens regularly it means you are relying too much on High Attraction Game to seduce girls. This can be effective in the club, but often leads to flakes because it's one note and doesn't motivate them to reinitiate contact because there is nothing special about you on a deeper level. Also, the hotter the girl is, the more likely this will happen. She meets a guy just about every time she goes out and is juggling so many options at once that you really have to create something different and memorable to cut through.
How to solve this: Don't just rely on just Attraction. It is very tempting to stay in Attraction for a long time because it is fun and validating and we get showered with IOIs. Don't fall for this. Instead start creating Massive Rapport with girls. Use the rapport building techniques discussed earlier and spend a lot of time connecting with her on a deeper level. Experiment with trying to create a real soul mate connection with every girl you game and not just being a crazy player. It may feel weird at first, but learning to do this will pay big dividends once you've mastered it.
Remember: Rapport takes place in the logical brain. That means once you create it, it stays forever. You can rely on it much more than attraction to get you results.
Once you have enough attraction and you successfully connect with her, she will like you forever. Fun is forgettable. A deep emotional connection is not. If she just feels attraction and fun towards a stranger, you are just some guy she was horny for that night. That might be enough for us, but it's not enough for her. Serious rapport prevents flakes.
2) You set up a date with a girl, you talk, you text each other, everything is perfect. There is sexual tension in air. You are sure it's on. Then, 45 minutes before the date something comes up and she can't come. The excuses may vary, but this type of flake, just before the meeting, is very common.
Explanation: She likes you a lot and she wants you. While she's getting ready, she starts thinking about you and it starts turning her on and getting her horny. She realizes that she may not be able to control herself and may end up having sex with a stranger tonight.
She starts to release adrenaline and too much adrenalin leads to fear and fear leads to a flake.
Thinking about sex à Horniness à Adrenaline à Fear à Flake
The flake at the end is not an emotion itself but rather a logical decision she makes based on her emotions. The flake is a result of this chain of emotions.
How to solve this: Prevent this chain of emotions from happening over the phone. If this happens to you often, it means you are either too sexual or too needy before sex actually happens. It means you are projecting over the phone or text that you want to have sex with her too much. Even she wants it, and she likes it, if you overdo it you risk bringing up resistance. It's best not to get sexual with her until you are physically together on the date. Not before! This way her instincts kick in due to her attraction to your presence and touch which reduces the resistance and you are there to comfort her if there is any. Needy guys will have this problem a lot because they go into a feeding frenzy as soon as they think they are going to get some action. This is not the behavior of guys who have lots of options with women. Play it cool and sex will happen. Get desperate and you will blow it.
Also, for good measure, make sure that before sex actually happens you deepen the rapport to insure that she feels special and that you aren't just looking to get laid.
Of course, every rule in this game can be broken. Many good Players can actually talk about sex on the phone before meeting the girl and still get laid, but to play it perfectly smooth follow the advice above. It will save you from dealing with the frustration of flakes.
| Permalink 
______________________________________________________________________